I feel like I've died and gone to heaven.....
The past 2 weeks have been about as good as it gets for me. It started when me and the boys headed down to Vegas for the weekend of the CES (oh yeah, and the porno convention too). It's always pretty crazy when we go down there, but this trip set a new standard. It turns out that a friend of mine has an aunt who works for Playboy....my friend has even been to Playboy parties before. One time she was at a party and called me and got Tera Patrick on the line so I could talk to her....now that's a friend! I talked to her once I knew we would be there during the porno convention so I could find out if there were any names I could drop to get me in good with some porno stars. She said that she would be there at the same time with her aunt and that we should try to meet up and maybe her aunt could hook us up somehow. I didn't really mention any possible Playbok hookup to any of the guys because I didn't want anyone getting their hopes up. I just said I needed to get in touch with my friend while I was there....she's really hot herself, so no one would complain about her hanging around. I called her once we got to Vegas and she asked me if I wanted to go to a Playboy party....I said "let me think about it.......HELL YES!" The problem was that there were a lot of guys in my group and I felt bad about trying to get that many people in. She asked me how many of us there were and I told her "uh, there's about 8 of us.....all guys....but don't worry about getting everyone in...whatever you can do for us would be great". It turns out that she said she could get 3 or 4 of us in, which meant that the King and I were in for sure because we were single. I told everyone else that we'd establish a pecking order for the rest of the spots depending on how dedicated they were about going. To me this meant that the first guys who were willing to call their girlfriends and tell them that they were going to a Playboy party were the one's who got to go.....except none of them were brave enough to do that so we just drew straws. The party was at The Light in the Bellagio, and it was guest-list only entry, so no random people could buy their way in. Since we got in, everybody was nice to us because for all they knew, we were some kind of players. There was an open bar, including top shelf, so we could drink whatever we wanted. They had appetizers like ahi tuna and beef wellington being passed out too. After milling around for a while, we settled in on some couches and watched everyone come in. Vince Neil of Motley Crue was seated right behind us, and Ron Jeremy came in right after we sat down. He even stole this girl from one of my friends on the dancefloor....but at least he left another girl to take her place. Tera Patrick was seated across the room, and there were too many other scantily clad women to count. After an hour or so, my friend's aunt was even able to get the rest of the guys in my group into the party too, so nobody missed out. It was amazing to watch a friend of mine playing rock/paper/scissors with a girl sitting next to him who's occupation was "working in fuck films...". Then, while we were talking to my friend's aunt who works for Playboy, she mentioned that she had 2 extra tickets to the AVN's, which are the porno movie awards, and would we like to go. The King and I immediately stepped up and claimed the tickets for ourselves. We actually walked up a red carpet to get into the awards show while hundreds of people lined up to catch a glimpse of the stars walking by. Once inside we got pictures taken with several women who might have been porn stars and at least looked the part. We honestly haven't watched enough pornos to know who's who, but if they had silicone boobies, then we asked them for a picture. I even got a pic taken with Larry Flynt! Our seats were pretty good.....seated at the table next to us were Jenna Jameson and "Best Actress Nominee" Brianna Banks. The awards show itself wasn't that exciting because the winners would just come up, pick up the award, and give a little speech.....no one felt inspired to take off any clothes as a celebration. It did get interesting when they panned to the crowd and showed in on the big screen. Most of the women would take off their shirts and squeeze or lick their boobs....or 2 women would start making out for the camera....it sure kicked the Oscar's ass in that regard. After a while it started to get old, so we left before the awards were all given out. It was getting predictable anyway....as expected, "The Ass Collector" cleaned up. After such an amazing event, the only thing left to do was to meet up with the rest of the guys, tell them the incredible things we saw, and then go straight to the Olympic Garden. Now that we have a Playboy connection, we are making it an annual event.
In some ways this past weekend was even better. My beloved Raiders are back in the Super Bowl for the first time in 19 years. It was put into perspective when I realized that I was wearing Top-siders the last time they played for the championship. And now they get to play against Jon Gruden and Tampa Bay....it would be the sweetest way to win. On the other hand, I would've loved to see Philadelphia in the Super Bowl, if only because their fans deserve it. I always thought Philly fans are great, but this weekend they really reached out and bonded with me. In case you missed it, Ja Rule performed at halftime of the Philly-Tampa game.....and the fans booed him. You've gotta love those Eagle fans.......
posted by Number at 5:33 PM [edit]
Now that's reality....
I'm checking out "The Bachelorette" tonight, and I'm pretty impressed with the girl. I didn't watch the original "Bachelor" so I didn't know anything about her, but she seems really cool. Though to be honest, I'm having a hard time watching. You may be asking why I feel that way, and it's because it hits too close to home. Every time I go out, there's a 25 to 1 ratio of guys to hot girls so I can see a version of the show every weekend if I wanted to. And on camera you can see all the cheesy maneuvers the guys try to pull and it really gives me a headache.....I already don't like the Tiffany bracelet guy. Maybe it'll be easier to watch once the crowd gets whittled down...I'll check back next week and see how many dorks are left.....
posted by Number at 9:52 PM [edit] 
