Abandon hope of political correctness, all ye who enter here.....

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Back to the future?......

I get these compilation cd's from time to time that are what you would call "non-authorized"......this means that they are probably made without paying royalties and do not have the best production values (i.e. they were burned). Yes, I buy them in a store, not at the flea market or from a guy selling them out of his trunk, and they have music that is still playing on the radio, unlike the authorized versions. The downside is that they are burned, and don't always play too well in my car cd player, but I can live with that. The problem with the latest cd is that it doesn't play when I skip a track....there is normally a little bit of a lag, but in this case it won't play at all. That means I have to listen to the disk in it's entirety or not at all. If I want to hear track 16, I have to hear the 15 that come before it first. That's right, the disk has turned my cd player into an 8-track! I had to double-check to see if the cd was produced by K-Tel. As you may know, I'm old skool....but even I have never clamored for the revival of the 8-track player.

One more note.....

Tonight is the premiere of "Divas 2002" show. Being a heterosexual male, I will not be watching, but I'm sure there are some of you who might be interested in it. Now if I was a gay man, today would be like Superbowl Sunday.......
posted by Number at 6:26 PM [edit]

It's amazing what kinds of changes the years bring.....

I occasionally run into people I went to high school with, and if it's a guy I can sum up how a lot of them have changed with two words: fatter and balding. I mention this because I recently saw this guy at the driving range who I recognized, but couldn't really remember exactly who he was. After he finished hitting balls he came up to me and asked if I remembered him. I did....kinda.....so I chatted with him for a couple of minutes. After he left I tried to place him...I knew I went to high school with him, but something about him looked different. He hadn't gained weight, and he hadn't lost any hair, so I couldn't really figure what had changed. Then I remembered who he was.....you see, there was this guy who went to my high school who had an unfortunate accident. What happened was that he was celebrating his birthday while in junior high and was blowing out the candles on his cake.....only the cake had those trick candles on them that re-light after you blow them out.....and somehow when they flamed up again they caught his eyebrows on fire and singed them off....I shit you not! And apparently eyebrows take a long time to grow back because the guy went without them to whole time he was in hight school. So that was the guy I ran into....and his eyebrows had grown back so I didn't recognized him right away. Imagine that, a guy growing hair instead of losing it......you don't see that every day......
posted by Number at 12:22 AM [edit]

A few random thoughts......

Of course the Warriors got screwed in the draft again. At least we all now know that Yao Ming will be a star. We know this because if the Warriors were able to draft him, he would turn out to be a bust....since they can't pick him, he will be a stud. Now the Warriors will have to pick Drew Gooden. He is perfect for the team....he's a local guy, is a 'tweener who doesn't really have a position to play, has no leadership skills, and is Charmin-soft.....in other words, he will fit right in with the Warriors. Jason (or Jay) Williams is the guy they really want, so I heard someone write that the Rockets would trade the top pick, along with Maurice Taylor (who missed all of last season with a knee injury) to the Warriors for the #3 pick and Antawn Jamison. Since it would be a terrible trade for the Warriors they would naturally be interested.

The fight will be terrible, but Screech vs. Horshack is a truly inspired match up. Join me in hoping that Darva Conger gets her ass kicked and we never have to hear from her again.

I was DVD shopping the other day and I noticed that the inventory was all messed up. Mis-filed in the horror section was "N*Sych- N* the Mix".....then I thought about it and came to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't a mistake at all......
posted by Number at 2:48 PM [edit]

It's about time.....

Let me finally get to my Reno strip club story, just in case anyone is interested. Contrary to common belief, I don't really go to strip clubs all that often....usually I need some sort of occasion to go. Going to Reno is not ordinarily enough of a reason, but it was my birthday, so the King wanted to take me out for a "special" lunch. That is the beauty of the Men's Club in Reno....they serve food while you sit in front of the stage watching topless dancers....and the food is actually good! Another good thing about going to a strip club at lunch time is that is practically devoid of fellow perverts.....we got there about 2 pm, and there was pretty much one stripper for every guy. This made them very eager to please. Unfortunately, we attracted the attention of the ugliest, and the most persistant, of the girls there. Her name was Sapphire, and she came up to us right when we sat down and wouldn't leave. She kept trying to make small talk, even though we weren't really talking back to her. She might've given up on us if the King hadn't asked for change for a $100 bill from the cocktail waitress when we first go there. He wanted 20 $1 bills and 4 $20's, so the waitress came back while Sapphire was sitting on his lap and plopped a big stack of bills on the table......there was no way she was leaving once she saw some cash. After a while she really started struggling to make conversation and asked us questions like: "So, have you guys seen any good movies lately?". Now I ask you, how titilating is that? We finally got rid of her because our food came....but wouldn't you know it, at the exact moment we pushed our plates away she came rushing back and said: "So, are you guys ready for some dessert?". Ugh.....I nearly puked right there, but managed to blurt out: "we really should let our food digest first..."......bad move on my part....that made her come sit on my lap and rub me to help my digestion! Luckily, the King bought me a lapdance, so the girl came over and told Sapphire that she had to get off of me so I could get a dance. So she got off of me and went to sit on the King's lap while I got a dance. When the girl was done with me, she asked if I wanted another, and I said "no, but my friend would". This meant that Sapphire got kicked off of the King's lap so he could get a dance. That made her exclaim: "There's something wrong here.....2 guys are getting dances and I still have my clothes on!". I pretended not to pay attention and tried to look around her to watch ESPN playing on a tv behind her. Then I mumbled something about us prefering brunettes. The King calmly turned to her and said: "we are married to white women so when we come here it's for Asian women....". I added: "yeah, it's a way of maintaining our cultural identity...". I don't know if she believed us or was just tired of us messing with her, but she finally left. That left the King free to free to buy his new stripper friend some $10 drinks and a $10 pack of cigarettes after paying her $20 for a lapdance.....and then we split the check! I was down $100 before I even started gambling......
posted by Number at 11:54 PM [edit]

Hold the phone....

Just when I thought that Mike Tyson had locked up the wackiest interview for the week, along comes Allen Iverson's press conference. Granted, he didn't come off as nearly as kookie as Iron Mike, but it was more surprising because AI's never rambled on like that, and we've all heard Tyson go off before. He might even be getting better....he only talked about stomping the testicles of kids, as opposed to eating them.....his therapy seems to be going well. Actually, upon furthur review, Mike Tyson wins in a landslide. If you don't believe me, check out the transcript: http://espn.go.com/boxing/news/2002/0503/1377497.html

Yes, I know I haven't been posting, but I'll try to get everybody caught up with my life of leisure. Stay tuned for the Reno strip club excursion that Wahine hinted at.....
posted by Number at 12:27 AM [edit]