Abandon hope of political correctness, all ye who enter here.....

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I was checking out the lastest version of the chicktourney (www.chicktourney.com) and was pleasantly surprised to see an asian sister, Sung Hi Lee, leading the pack. It's good to know that someone who's asian can be seen as desirable by every race, color, and creed. She's done pretty well in previous tourneys, but never had the lead before. Coincidentally, "Nurse Betty", in which she has a role, recently came out on video and dvd......do I think the added exposure is what is putting her over the top? Well, yes and no.....'no' because her role is small......but a big, big 'YES' because part of her role involves a scene of her making out with another woman! She's not just a face anymore......she's an accomplished thespian.
posted by Number at 9:44 PM [edit]

I just caught this little tidbit about John Starks missing game 2 of the playoff series against the Mavericks because of, what was termed "a minor medical procedure"....this "minor" procedure was, in fact, surgery to remove a testicle. What the hell?!....that ain't no "minor" surgery in my book. He's supposed to return to action within 72 to 96 hours....damn, can't they give the guy some time to mourn?
posted by Number at 12:47 PM [edit]

I know I'll get the blame......I just happened to notice that Weasel Boy in our office bears a striking resemblance to the Son of Godzilla.....you know, the roly-poly guy who could only blow smoke rings instead of fire unless Godzilla stepped on his tail. So I mention this in passing..... just as an observation, not to be insulting....that's just who he resembles. Sure it sounds bad to be comparing someone's looks to a giant amphibious creature, but you have to remember that I'm talking about the heir to the throne of King of all Monsters, so it's almost like comparing him to Prince Charles....you know, they're both royalty. It turns out nobody can picture what the son of Godzilla looks like, so I have to find in on the web.....then everybody wants me to forward the site to them, which I do. All of a sudden, one guy starts calling the weasel "Minya" behind his back (that's one of the names that the Son of Godizilla goes by)....another guy has Minya as his wallpaper.....I'm not doing anything like that, like I was saying, I just made an innocent observation. I just know that eventually the weasel will catch on because everyone is being so tactless about it......but who's going to get the blame? yep, I am. It looks so bad too because I brought it up and then found the website, then passed that info along, but it's really not what it seems. I'd like to reiterate once again that I was only making an observation.....
posted by Number at 2:44 PM [edit]

If there ever comes a time when I stop posting, you can be sure it's because of The Man......I realize the threat I pose and expect attempts to be made to silence me. If you stop hearing from x, on the other hand, you can bet it's because of the evil that is Catbo. Catbo is what x calls the Sony mechanical pet.....and it is pure evil. I could sense that quality upon being introduced to Catbo, so I warned x to be careful. When I did that, Catbo shot me an evil look and it's eyes lit up brightly.....then it took my picture, so I could be put into the "troublemaker" file, I suppose. So now I have to worry about robot pets as well as The Man. I am much more concerned about x because I could sense that Catbo was plotting something, and once I brought it up, x could sense it too.....now x thinks I'm crazy when I say that Catbo is dangerous.....clearly some brainwashing has taken place. Eventually, I suspect some foul play will come to x, but I've done what I can.....now I wait every day for the inevitable to happen, knowing there is nothing I more I can do....except to respect x's final wishes and find a good home for the big screen HDTV.......
posted by Number at 9:52 PM [edit]

I'm sure some of you out there must be thinking: "geez r2, as the self-proclaimed asian Al Sharpton, you must be very upset over the retention of the confederate stars and stripes on the state flag of Mississippi".....quite the contrary.....I believe in the Constitution and the right it gives the inhabitants of a state to celebrate the fact that they are a bunch of backwards-ass hayseeds. Has anyone bothered to tell those bumpkins that their flag is a constant reminder that they got their butts kicked during the Civil War? I personnally don't care....I actually grew up liking the rebel flag because it was painted on the roof of the General Lee on "The Dukes of Hazzard", so I can see how someone could get attached to it. Besides, the alternatives weren't very appealing either.....the choice that finished second just had a reconfiguration of stars, but there were also a few other choices that didn't make the cut. Finishing third was a flag featuring the state tree, which is the magnolia, with a noose hanging from it. Next came the design with a moonshine still on it, and bringing up the rear was the flag that featured a trailer park on it. A flag is a representation of it's state, so it's become very clear what Mississippi stands for......
posted by Number at 8:30 PM [edit]

I couldn't let the day go by without mentioning Gab and the incredibly cool birthday gift she got me. I'm afraid to even mention what it is because it's so nice that if everybody knew what it was, I'd never be able to convince them that we're not showering together (with or without x and Carlton). I really love it though, and she's got a lot of goodwill stocked up with me. Thanks Gab!!!
posted by Number at 3:04 PM [edit]

I guess everybody gets softer in their old age.......it may just be me, but aren't guys like Kid Rock and Fred Durst, who are collaborating with Run DMC on their new album "Crown Royal", examples of the "sucka MC's" they used to dis? I suppose it's okay, given that they have no street cred left anyway now that they have done songs with guys from Third Eye Blind, and Sugar Ray.......If they trade in their Adidas for Skechers I will toss my "King of Rock" cd into the trash.....
posted by Number at 10:58 AM [edit]

I've become accustomed to Hollywood taking liberties with reality, but I have to say it is starting to go a bit too far. 2 movies I have seen lately have shown incredibly unrealistic depictions of bachelor parties...it's absolutely ludicrous. Not only that, but brides-to-be may take these bogus representations as the truth, and that could mean more bachelor parties sans adult entainment......that hits me where I live, so I have to speak up to set the record straight. Let me address the inaccuracies point by point. First of all, these movies have basically a 1:1 ratio of strippers to guys......only bachelor parties on Fantasy Island would have a buffet of ladies that large. Usually, it's one or two chicks for 20 to 30 slobbering guys.....there is a one to one ratio of strippers to bouncers though, so you have just as good a chance of getting the horny-ness smacked out of you by a bouncer as you do of getting a lapdance from a stripper. Which brings me back to the women in the movies...they are too good looking....where are all the skanky women? And they don't even ask for any money....in real life, you have to pay to watch a woman take a drink of water or pick her nose. As for every guy getting BJ's and sex......now that's a bigger stretch than Keanu Reeves playing Hamlet.....it just doesn't happen, even to the groom-to-be. That's right, the bachelor generally doesn't get one last lay before he takes the matrimonial plunge....usually he just gets so drunk that he pukes, and then gets his underwear ripped off by some skanky woman in front of all his friends. See ladies, there's really nothing to worry about by letting your man have his last bit of male bonding with his buddies.....it's actually pretty symbolic to have his friends see him stripped of his pants, seeing that he will no longer be the one wearing them. Let him go out with a little dignity.....don't make him have to get shit the rest of his life because he had his bachelor party and Malibu Grand Prix.......
posted by Number at 11:04 AM [edit]

I must say I was very surprised to hear that Shawn Kemp checked into a rehab center for cocaine abuse. After all, isn't fiending on coke supposed to make you skinny? Let's hope that's not the case because otherwise he'll be looking like Oliver Miller's twin brother when he gets out.......
posted by Number at 10:01 AM [edit]

I think I might have rocked the boat a little to much yesterday.....I think I am being watched by The Man now. I can't be absolutely sure, but I get the sense I am being followed around. I occasionally catch a whiff of mayonaise, which is a clear sign that The Man in nearby.......
posted by Number at 8:44 AM [edit]

I feel that us Asians are missing the boat.....as a minority, it's been set up so that we don't have to take responsability for ourselves......if anything goes wrong, we have carte blanche to blame it on The Man, but by and large, we choose not to. When bad things happen we shouldn't be trying to find the proverb that explains why it's just the way of the world, we should be looking to hire a personal injury attorney to stick it to The Man instead. I've been doing some thinking, and I've realized that I have been screwed by The Man my whole life. I'm under 6' tall?....that's not nature, it was part of a conspiracy by The Man to spike the water growing up to stunt my growth....that way they'd maintain a physical advantage. I'm not a millionaire?....again, it's a plot by The Man....they have it set up that you have to go to Whitey University to make it big. Even the stock market is a big shell game run by The Man....who do you think sold at the peak?....T-H-E M-A-N. The problem is that we are missing a figurehead to bring all the injustices to light....I feel it's time for me to take on that burden. I will be the Asian version of Al Sharpton (with better hair, of course) and I will dedicate myself to furthering our cause. It's time to fight the power.......
posted by Number at 9:42 AM [edit]

Some of us at work were talking about a firm in our industry that laid off over 100 people without any notice and how messed up that was. They came in to work one day, got the bad news, and had to pack up and leave immediately. Postal guy overheard us and chimed in "oh, they can't really give notice because if you give some warning, that would give someone a chance to come in with flamethrower".....he did not mean it as a joke either. Here we are thinking how cold the company was, and he's thinking that they had to do that because it's a natural reaction to go nuts if you get laid off.....he clearly sees things from a different perspective from the rest of us. I'm going to talk to the HR people to see if we can create a position for him....they could call him the "Layoff Consultant". Since he knows what makes people go postal, he could advise HR on the best ways to let people go without making them feel the need to take out their supervisors......I think it is his natural calling.
posted by Number at 9:05 AM [edit]

What do ya know, Porky's II is on right now! I should call x right now to rub it in....the deathmatch between Porky's II and Vegas Vacation on the comabound site was really a duel between us. After the Vegas Vacation quote went up, I wrote with my guess, but added: "I can't believe you picked a quote from such a crappy movie!". X, being blinded by a love of all things related to Vegas, vehemently disagreed. I said it wasn't a good movie, and certainly was no Porky's II, which led to x putting it to a vote. The results were in my favor, by a landslide no less, even though the picture shown was for Porky's Revenge (which was a piece of crap) rather than Porky's II. Still in denial, x refused to post the results on comabound, so I was left to give Porky's II it's proper due myself. Let's hope we don't have to go through this again for European Vacation......
posted by Number at 9:39 PM [edit]